Transcript
(gentle piano music)
I always kinda told
myself I would drink less
or kinda control it myself,
and I wasn't doing that on my own.
So when I found this combination treatment
addressing alcohol and PTSD,
it really spoke to me.
My name is Ayla Bennett.
I am a master sergeant in
the United States Army.
My job is career counselor.
Because of my rank and position,
I am a senior career counselor.
My first introduction
to the military was
being sexually assaulted
by the man in charge,
the senior drill sergeant,
a couple of weeks into basic training.
I was 18.
And that was my first
lesson about being a woman
in the military
and what the perception
is of our purpose there.
We didn't have the SHARP Program,
the Sexual Harassment/Assault
Response Program
that we do today.
We didn't have that 20 years ago.
For the first couple of years,
the harassment,
the inappropriate behavior,
it didn't stop.
Platoon sergeants, first
sergeants, squad leaders.
It was just normal to
receive this attention,
and it becomes
not only mentally exhausting
but changes who I am at work, at home,
professionally, personally.
I think the alcohol use
helped me to become numb to that,
to accept it,
and to hopefully not remember.
(wind whooshing)
Drinking got in the way of so many things.
Fitness, relationships,
friendships, quality of work.
I was starting off my day
with flavored whiskey,
Baileys, Kahlua, whatever.
And then I realized how
many beers it took for me
to get a buzz.
Or going out to a friend's house
and they're doing shots and stuff,
and I realized how many shots I had
and how I still drove home.
I'm like, well, hold up.
I had seven shots.
I should not have felt that good, to drive
In 2007, I started seeking therapy.
And that was when I was
first diagnosed with PTSD.
(gentle acoustic guitar)
That was my first concept
that PTSD can be more than combat,
that PTSD can absolutely be
from what's now called
military sexual trauma.
So, to have joint substance abuse therapy
with PTSD, to me,
has been a phenomenal,
groundbreaking experience.
The first portion of the
session would go over
how much did you drink,
what's causing you to drink?
Trying to understand
what my motivations are
at the core of me,
like questions I would've
never asked myself.
The goal was never cessation.
I don't wanna stop drinking,
I just wanna have a better
relationship with drinking,
to reduce alcohol use.
With a clear understanding of that goal,
I am learning skills to help me cope.
We went through practice scenarios,
specifically the one where I
go and meet some girlfriends
at a bar, someone buys a round.
How are you going to
navigate that situation?
If we practice now, it'll be
easier to deal with in reality.
It's like I have ammo for a fight.
I can defeat the enemy,
and in this case,
the enemy is my relationship with alcohol.
The therapy looked like a split session.
After we went over alcohol therapy,
then we went into the PTSD
portion of the session.
It was really just repeating in detail
the activating event,
over and over and over again.
That was rough.
That was rough.
But there's no better way.
The more I talked about it,
the more I thought about it,
the less power it had within me
and the better I felt about myself
to realize this is just
a part of who I am,
but it does not have to define me,
and to be able to use these lessons
to help other people.
You don't have to be
ashamed of the memories
that are within you.
I thought that was valuable as well.
Going through the treatment
has absolutely benefited me at work.
I have found that as I
communicate with females
in junior leadership positions,
junior enlisted soldiers, officers,
I find that I am able to
be a better mentor to them.
And we don't have that many
females in the organization,
but a majority of 'em will come
and find their safe haven in my space.
And empowering each other to have strength
in uncomfortable situations
has been such a joy to see.
I feel like my time is not done yet,
and there are a couple of positions
that I've got my eye on
to help make the Army a
better place to serve,
a safer place to serve.
I wanna start a new story.
(lighthearted music)
(lighthearted music fades)