Transcript
(driving music)
In the military culture,
everything we do kind of
revolves around drinking.
When I started deploying,
I used it as a crutch.
When I was going through stuff,
instead of talking to somebody
and dealing with my feelings,
I just was like, all right,
I'll just drink it away.
I was a medic. Best job in the military.
It's just when you're out there,
you really get to know the guys.
Guys will tell you stuff
they won't tell their wives.
When I was deployed in
Iraq and Afghanistan,
Some of the things we saw
We had guys get injured.
We had guys get killed.
(soft strumming)
Company commander and
his gunner were killed.
And the only way we could tell it was him
was because of his rank on his jacket.
(fire crackling)
They were heroic in their
leadership, their ability.
They were just like the best of the best.
And there's nothing you can do,
so you've got to compartmentalize,
but then emotions would get high,
guys would start crying and
then everybody would feel down.
And then what do we do?
We just grab a little
alcohol, that gets us through.
Like 98% of the people,
alcohol was their savior.
It's almost like a religion.
That was our God, and we
turned to that every day.
Alcohol was that one thing
that just was always there.
(tentative acoustic guitar)
I left active duty.
I got home December 3rd, 2011.
My daughter was born December 6th.
On my way home, I stopped at a bar.
Two months later, her mom and I broke up.
I knew I would have my
daughter such and such times.
I would plan my schedule
around drinking, you know.
And being able to plan around
when I didn't have her,
she never saw me drink, ever.
And then I got my first
DUI August 2nd, 2012.
When I got my third DUI, I went to jail,
and I was like, I just
can't do this anymore.
This is just ridiculous.
So I went to rehab at the VA.
I took the PTSD and I
took the substance abuse.
Four hours of treatment a day.
I got to see, all right,
I have a drinking problem.
All right, I have PTSD.
How did I deal with PTSD? I drank.
And you're like, oh my God.
So I've been masking the PTSD
with my excessive drinking.
(soft strumming)
And I spent 102 days there in rehab.
And then after that,
I spent seven months in jail.
(door opening)
Taking that first step getting
into therapy, that's hard.
Being vulnerable sucks, you know.
You let somebody look in and go, oh man.
Like, being vulnerable was
always looked at as a negative.
Now it's looked at as a strength,
people being able to stand
up and say, you know what?
I got mental health issues.
So what? I'm dealing with it.
This is what I'm doing to get better.
(door closing)
I didn't want to have to
embarrass my daughter, you know.
She had to go through a
whole year without me.
My relationship with my
daughter now is pretty awesome.
Like, she plays all her sports
and she's got tournaments every weekend.
So I go there, try to support
her, try to practice with her.
(upbeat guitar music)
(softball game, crowd chattering)
(ball hitting)
(crowd cheering)
And we can do anything together.
So she's like a big part of my life,
and I can't imagine it not being there,
which it wouldn't be if
I would've kept drinking.
(soft strumming)
Life feels great. I appreciate life more.
I appreciate all the things
I have, the good, the bad.
And then one of the things is,
I became a peer support specialist.
The rewarding part is very closely related
to how it was when I was a medic.
And being able to help people
and then see them get better,
and to be able to see somebody
just keep taking those steps forward.
Whether you're in a sprint,
a jog, a walk, a crawl,
anything going forward is progress.
(soft strumming)