Transcripts
I'm broken.
(eerie music)
(heavy winds)
(eerie music)
- [Rodriguez] It wasn't
just one
It was multiple traumas
over a period of years.
(eerie music)
I was a senior flight
nurse who went overseas
to help in the
evacuation of troops
who sustained
battlefield injuries.
Troops who have lost legs,
arms, were burnt.
All of those started
to stack up.
So each tour took a
little bit from me
mentally, spiritually,
and physically.
I just was getting
beat down.
(somber music)
And when I came
home - I'm broken.
I felt like I had an
electric charge
running through my body
all the time.
It felt like taking a
nine volt battery
and sticking it on
your tongue.
I wasn't sleeping well.
I was pacing around the
house quite a few nights
for two to three
hours at a time.
(somber music)
I was having
frequent nightmares.
(somber music)
My personality changed.
I was very short-tempered
with my kids.
I was very short-tempered
all the way around.
(somber music)
Those were the things that
led me to say to myself,
"I think I need some help.
"If I don't get help
something bad is gonna
"happen to me."
(somber music)
You have to trust yourself.
(quiet minor key music)
- [Rodriguez] Before I
started EMDR
I really didn't know what
it was about and
how it works.
The goal was to be able to
recall the traumatic event
without getting
anxious, or nervous,
or short of breath, or
any of those feelings
when you bring that
thought up.
(quiet keyboard music)
The way EMDR was explained
by my therapist
kind of went like this:
Think of your head as
an office file cabinet.
What we're going to do is
kind of rearrange
the folders
and put those
memories in a folder
that won't be
to the forefront
of the file cabinet.
It'll still be there, but
it won't consume
everything that's going
on day to day.
The first step was
making me familiar
with the equipment that
we were going to use.
Hand tappers - they look
like little hand
stress balls,
but those little hand
stress balls vibrate,
and they vibrate at a
certain speed,
at a certain intensity,
and they alternate left
to right, right to left.
You focus on a
traumatic memory,
and after a certain
amount of time
you bring up a
pleasant memory.
And there is a
process in the brain
that puts that memory back
to where it's
supposed to be.
I thought about it,
and I thought,
"At therapy nobody will
shoot at you.
"At therapy you're not
living in the middle
"of the desert
"in the summertime, at
128 degrees."
And I thought, "I'm willing
to try anything
"to feel better,
"so let's do it."
It's work; you have to
trust your therapist.
You have to trust yourself
to work through
traumatic thoughts.
Did I feel I was ready for
therapy when I started?
Yes.
(quiet piano music)
It was missile lock.
- [Rodriguez] As we start
the therapy I was asked
to recall a
traumatic incident.
The first one that
came to mind
was being shot at for
the first time.
It was missile lock.
That's never any fun.
We decided to use that,
work that memory through,
and get it to the
long-term memory
where we should have.
So there's several things
going on at this time.
I recall the event as it
happened, what I was doing,
when I was doing, how
I was doing.
But I'm watching it
from a distance.
and just watching the event
take place with me in it.
Not that anything changed,
but I was watching it from
a different point of view.
I'm thinking about the
traumatic event
while holding the
tappers in each hand.
The tappers are
vibrating in my hands.
One, two, one, two.
They're vibrating
back and forth.
I'm thinking about the
traumatic event...
I knew that my
therapist was there,
but as I was doing the
breathing and the recalling
the traumatic event my
therapist did not interact
or say anything with me.
It was for me to work
through on my own.
You would do as many
times as it took
to bring your anxiety down
to a more manageable level.
You could do it up to 10,
15 times in a session.
After the session
sometimes I would still
feel a little stressed.
I would close my eyes,
take a deep breath,
and think about being in
my grandmother's kitchen.
And after thinking
about that,
I would feel less
stressed and be able to
walk out of therapy feeling
much better about myself,
and able to drive home and
be a part of the family.
The new me.
- [Rodriguez]
I'm not exactly sure
how many sessions,
but the point that we moved
to a different
traumatic thought
is when I was able to
go into therapy,
talk about the first
traumatic thought,
and not feel stress or
anxiety about it.
Going into the second
traumatic event
was easier than the first
because I knew
what to expect.
After my therapy, I would
leave the office
and I would feel,
each time,
like a little weight
had been lifted
off of my shoulders.
My body just felt
different after therapy.
I didn't feel as stressed.
I didn't feel as worked up.
I didn't feel as tense.
I didn't feel as tight.
I felt just a little
bit more relaxed.
And each time I
went to therapy,
that relaxed feeling would
last longer and longer.
And, finally, I got
to the point
where I did not feel that
electric charge
run through my body at all.
Now when I sit down
and I think about
the traumatic memories,
I can look at them and not
feel as stressed,
or feel anxiety, thinking
about them now
because they have
been processed
and placed into long-term
memory where they belong.
They've been refiled.
After the many months
of therapy
that I had been through,
I could look at myself
in the mirror
and feel proud of the
work and the effort
that I put into therapy
because it paid off now,
where I just feel more
comfortable in my own skin
when I did not before.
It's not the same Roger
it was in 2001.
The old Roger,
(laugh)
he was a hot mess,
that boy.
The new me is more - a
relaxed, more calm
open to listening to
people and their views
and where they are
and not taking everything
to heart as before.
The best way I can put
it is I'm more freer
to life as it comes.
Having been in therapy,
period,
has helped me be in a
better place now.