Avoiding people, places, or situations

Certain things that used to trigger me off were smells.

Now I'll go to restaurants, but prior to that

I wouldn't go into restaurants.

I was isolating in my room and one day

when I figured out "Hey, I need to go

get something to eat or I'll starve,"

I went out and I wanted to go to the restaurant

that I normally go to and I couldn't go.

I sat out in the parking lot contemplating if

I'm going to go in and sure enough, I got

a whiff of a smell that reminded me of Iraq.

I just left and went to a drive through,

that way I wouldn't have to go inside of a restaurant.

I'm scared to go anywhere by myself.

I would sleep with the TV on.

I constantly am checking the windows and doors,

thinking that there's somebody watching me from outside.

When my husband would leave, I would automatically think,

"Someone is going to get me," and I would be

completely paranoid the whole time I was by myself.

And I would have nightmares if I slept.

I would get up in the middle of the night,

not being able to go back to sleep.

My nightmares were all about being attacked and being followed,

and it was really difficult for me to do much of anything.

Some of the symptoms that I was able to identify with

that really helped me acknowledge that I have PTSD

is my wanting to always be alone, keep myself away

from people because I was tired of being hurt.

Wanting to be in a relationship and not able to

keep a relationship was the major thing,

and I mean that's even personal relationships,

relationship on my job, in the community.

I never felt secure until I was some place where I could be

by myself because I had a deep sincere trust issue.

I didn't like civilian people because, in my concept, they

didn't have a standard and appreciation of military people.

It was so much easier to be isolated.

The triggers were all around me.

I couldn't go down certain roads,

hearing different types of music.

I only associated primarily with Vietnam Vets, and even then

we didn't talk that much, but these were my friends.

It was the triggers.

And I liked, there was a song by Simon and Garfunkel,

"Hello darkness my old friend," and I enjoyed that.

I liked to stay up late at night and drink.

As I look back now, it was just a lot of wasted time.

I used to work almost 20 hours a day

with three different jobs.

I had a job at Campbell's Soup, I used to do plumbing

on the side, and I used to put up wrought iron fences.

And that would help me a lot because it kept my mind

occupied instead of thinking about anything in the war,

and this is one of the ways I combated it, anyway.

I didn't realize that I was doing it unconsciously.

If you're a service member that's gotten out recently

or about to get out,

I definitely recommend going to the VA.

More than likely, you'll probably end up having to go

to the VA later on down your life.

So, the sooner you do it, the better.

The sooner you do it, the sooner you can live a more productive

life and be happier because of it.

So, it's better just to get a jumpstart on it

as soon as you get out.

I am so much different now

than before treatment.

My life now is

lived to the fullest.

My life now has peace.

My life now has contentment and happiness.

My husband and I have an amazing relationship.

There are people that barely meet us

and tell us that we're soulmates.

That has happened because

I've gone through therapy.

That has happened because

he is such an excellent support system for me

that he went to therapy with me.

So having gone through the trials

and the tribulations and worked

my buns off to get where I am

has been absolutely worth it.